So She Wants To Be a Princess

*this post has been published with out editing.

When I was little I wanted to grow up and be a waitress because I liked the sound and feel of buttons getting pushed on a cash register. I didn’t really want any part in the hostess portion of watitressing, but I just wanted to push the buttons on a cash register. I never had the opportunity to be a waitress and the only time I’ve ever pushed buttons on a cash register was at a toy store that I worked at during high school and college…and the buttons weren’t ever very loud or clicky, a bit of a disappointment. Other than my big-time dream of becoming a waitress, I pretty much always knew that I wanted to be a teacher and work with children in some capacity. 

In going back to the classroom this past fall, I was reminded of how strongly I love being involved with seeing children learn and becoming citizens of the world. I also am lucky enough that I get to stay home and be with my babies while they are young, taking the remainder of this year off to be a mama…helping the youngest citizens of the world in a different way. I know, without a doubt, that I will always work with children because it makes me extremely happy. I do come from a family of educators, but I don’t necessarily remember being told that I needed to go into the Family Businesss. I also have no memory of being told that perhaps I should set my standards a bit higher when I went through my “I want to be a waitress” stage . (For the record, I was very, very young when I had my ‘waitress’ stage….so don’t judge.) (And also for the record, Barry says that he wanted to be a chiropractor….obviously he had higher standards than I did. Go figure). 

In fact, I don’t remember ever being told that I couldn’t do something. My parents have been nothing but supportive of my decisions and choices that have led me to where I am today. There were times when perhaps I wanted them to TELL me what to do, rather than be told that any decision that I made they would support. I am very different from my siblings…all of us carry the same core values and similar beliefs, but we’re different. Sure, we’re cut from the same cloth, but we are different. We are all both talented and flawed in different ways. My older brother is an extremely talented artist and I often feel I’m missing the creative gene that runs so strongly through him. My younger brother is very smart…both people and book smart….being a driven student and able to talk to anyone and everyone. 

When I’m with my brothers we can laugh about our shared memories from childhood, family vacations and a life shared that molded us into who we are today. I love my brothers and that I can call them at any given time and share a memory or phrase and they’ll know…they were there, they lived it with  me. 

I love that Maggie now has a sibling, someone that can be a memory keeper with her. I can’t wait to see their personalities develop and evolve and I’m going to hold onto the fact that my parents raised three very different children that are equally awesome (thankyouverymuch) in different ways. I’m telling myself this now because I want my girls to have the same memory that I have of supportive parents, encouraging at every turn and bend in the road. 

I’ve needed to think about this recently because I was never a girl that understood All Things Princess. Having an older brother, I mostly wanted to be like him and fit in with whatever he was doing. I remember sitting in the crowd of his little league baseball games wearing the team hat hoping the coach would notice me and ask me to come play….because clearly my brother, who showed little interest in the game, wasn’t doing his job. I so badly wanted a chance to swing the bat. By the time my chance to swing a bat rolled around years later, I was less excited, but still pumped to be a part of a team. 

I don’t necessarily think that Maggie loves most girly things because she doesn’t have an older brother, but more because that is what she’s interested in. Maggie is very attracted to girly, pink, colorful, bright, and happy things. She loves crowns, capes, tiaras, dresses, tutus, pink, and wands. When this first started I was slightly horrified that my daughter was Such a Girl. I tried to persuade her and lead her in a different direction, but it seems like we’ve come back to the pink, bright, colorful way of life over and over again. 

We had a couple experiences with ‘scary’ things (parts to a Leap Frog DVD, a book, etc.) and it really affected Maggie. She became quite worried and agitated even after we talked with her about each incident. I had a mini epiphany about princesses and Maggie’s interest in happy, colorful, pink, cheerful things. I realized that her choosing things that make her feel good is fantastic and rigbt now her idea of what a princess is pretty much is a happy person that wears sparkly clothes. I couldn’t figure out why  I had wanted to fight against that. 

It occurred to me that I didn’t want to buy into the Disney “machine” of Maggie wearing all the Disney Princess dresses and I had assumed that was the road we were going down when this all started. Way back when she picked out undies for potty training, she picked the Disney Princess package and I tried to convince her to get the polka dot ones, but she wanted the ‘princess’ ones. I was horrified and acted like I didn’t know who any of the characters were,  until a couple weeks into potty training I realized that she’d picked up on some of them on her own. So I relented and helped determine the difference between Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella (or was it Rapunzle??). 

As Maggie’s facination with All Things Princess has evolved, I’ve had to adjust my thinking. Here are some of the things that I’ve thought:

  1. Just because she likes princesses doesn’t automatically mean our house will explode with princess things. 
  2. When I tried to convince her to get the polka dot undies instead, that was exact opposite of how I want to react when my children show an interest (regardless of what I think of said interest). 
  3. This is a season of her life. I wanted to be a waitress, for god’s sake. 
  4. Chances are,  Maggie is not going to grow up and be a princess. But if she grows up and is a princess, I’ll support her. I’ll also support her if she decides to be a logger….or a waitress. 
  5. Not all children are the same. (See above information about Phil and Izak)

I already am enthralled by seeing the bond between Maggie and Audrey develop. I’ve started a list of nicknames that Maggie has for her sister, with the top being “Little Fellow”.  At this point I can’t predict what the future holds and I never would even want to at this point. Never once did I ever think that I’d be the mother to two girls, with the older one insisting on reading Fancy Nancy, wearing her tutu under her dress and practicing ballet in our living room. In the past, I never could have predicted that my life would be so rich. 

Snippets

Turns out that it only takes one quick diaper change to have a glitter bomb go off. Yesterday Maggie and I were full-on crafting our hearts out and Audrey needed a quick diaper change. I made the wrong assumption that Maggie would continue down the path of gluing and by the time I returned to her Art Table, there was glitter everywhere. That seems to be the theme of our life these days, with Barry accidentally taking a glitter-filled bag to the gym and having to wear sparkling gym clothes. 

I wish that I could bundle up both my girls and keep them this way forever because life is really hilarious right now. Maggie is really into dancing and insists on being on ‘stage’ and either wants people to dance with her or watch her and say ‘Bravo’ at the end each song. She’s got a little piano and guitar that play different songs and she’s got moves for each different rhythm. While she was visiting my parents she started dancing with a wand while visiting Midge and by the time she came home, she was convinced she needed a wand. We found one yesterday at Joanne’s along with a tiara that has hardly come off her little head (pictures to eventually follow).  

I bought a yard of fabric to use as a photo back drop and brought it home with the intention of taking some pictures of both the girls. Last I’d seen of the fabric it was folded up on the counter where I’d left it. A few hours later when I was tucking Maggie into bed I pulled New Baby out from under her pillow only to discover that New Baby was wrapped up in a small piece of the fabric that we’d bought. 

ME:  Hey Maggie, did you cut this fabric piece?

MAGGIE: Yes, I did. It’s alright, Mama. I made New Baby a blanket. 

ME: Did Daddy say you could cut the fabric? 

MAGGIE: I say it okay. I tell Daddy it okay. 

Sure enough, I checked with Barry and it sounded like Maggie told Barry it was okay for her to cut the fabric. I couldn’t be mad at her because we’d bought the fabric with a bunch of other things that we’d planned on cutting. Plus, I’d left it out on the little shelf with all our other art supplies. Not to mention she only cut a little corner out of the yard to make a blanket for her baby….how cute is that? Barry said that she worked really hard cutting the fabric, which I’m sure was a challenge given her scissors are pretty dull and not very large. 

 Audrey continues to go with the flow of things, mostly wanting to eat or be held. I cycle through all the different ways to wear her through the day, otherwise I’d never, ever get anything done. I’ve become used to having my hands free. I’m pretty sure that I’ve lost my touch of being able to unsnap, unwind or unclip whatever I’m wearing her in and lay her down. I felt like I’d championed that move with Maggie and now Audrey is an alert little monkey almost immediately after being put down. She’ll last a few minutes before I scoop her back up into my arms or strap her in. She isn’t bothered by Syd’s barks, or her sister’s bossy voice. 

Part One…

After almost a week of anti-itch drugs, I was happy to have finally slept for a few nights. Yeah!

Anyone that has more than one child will tell you, almost without hesitation, that having a second is much easier and very different than the first. This rang true for me in a variety of different ways, starting from the moment that I found out I was pregnant. This time around not only did I feel much, much better, but I also had more going on and wasn’t able to focus on being pregnant every single second and day. Part of me had a bit of guilt that I wasn’t tracking this pregnancy in the same way that I did when I was pregnant with Maggie, but the reality was that my life, with working and trying to be a mother to an almost 3 year old, didn’t leave much room. 

With my second pregnancy I thankfully didn’t have any strong cravings (because I’m not sure my system could have withstood another Dick’s Drive In overload) and the heartburn returned with a roar. I stuck to my rule of wearing tunics and boots and felt like I was living my life in jammies all day long, I felt comfortable and relaxed about everything. Barry and I were thrilled to be welcoming a second daughter into our life together and both of us felt strongly that Maggie would be a phenomenal  big sister. 

In early December I started to get really itchy palms and feet at night time and my sleep became very touch-and-go. I’d be up in the middle of the night itching and feeling very uncomfortable, but just thought that perhaps that was just what the third trimester was supposed to be about – increasingly uncomfortable. I mentioned something to my doctor just before we went to Mount Hood and she suggested maybe my boots were making me itch and to air out my feet some at the end of the day. I did this and got no relief. In fact, the itching became worse and worse. Eventually my entire body was itching and I was hardly sleeping at all. 

By the time my next appointment rolled around I mentioned again to my doctor how horrible I felt in terms of itching and that nothing was working to help alleviate anything or help me sleep. I was regularly up in the middle of the night taking showers and scrubbing my self practically raw. My skin was super, super gross and I had crossed over into the “I don’t care how I  look because I’m freakin’ uncomfortable and not sleeping” stage of being pregnant. The pumice scrubber was my BFF and I would walk back and forth on our textured rug to give my feet a bit of relief. 

The doctor suggested that we run a few blood tests to see if I had cholestasis of pregnancy…I went home and googled it. (Note to self: never, ever google ANYTHING medical related. Ever.) The next day I went to work and was sitting at my desk when the office called to say that my doctor was on the phone. What the hell? My doctor? I didn’t even know that my doctor knew my work number. Anyhow, my students were at Music and so I had the office patch the doctor thorough.  I was asked if I could please leave work and come to the hospital to take a Non Stress Test, have more blood work done and get a ultrasound of my liver. Ummm…..and was I feeling fetal movement? Turns out my numbers had come back in the blood test that suggested cholestasis. Apparently my liver was working against me and my baby. 

It was right about that moment that shit got real. (sorry for swearing, but umm……)

Fetal movement? I nearly had a nervous breakdown when I realized that I hadn’t been paying attention to Audrey’s movements and more focused on my state of itchiness. After I finally calmed myself down, after phone calls to Barry, my mom and back to the doctor’s office, I felt her kickin’ her way around and felt such peace. My principal was simply amazing and helped me load things into my car (my staff had thrown a baby shower for me that morning before school) and sent me on my way to pick up Barry and head to the hospital. 

By the time I made it to pick up Barry at work, I was a moderately better and just being with Barry helped me immensely. This was the start of where Barry became my rock and person to lean on. He is so calm, the eye of the storm and my emotions ranged from high to low. We went to the hospital and had a battery of tests – ultrasound didn’t suggest that my liver was obviously acting out, blood tests we’d have to wait for, and the non stress test showed that Audrey was happy in my tummy.

We touched base with my doctor and she had concern about why I was so itchy and why my numbers came back elevated. With women that have cholestasis of pregnancy it is very strongly suggested that babies are out of the womb by 38 weeks because of the high incidence of stillbirth this late in pregnancy. I was just a few days shy of 38 weeks and at this point I just wanted to have my baby. Even the thought of stillbirth made me queasy. After some discussion, we decided that on Monday, two days later, we’d try to induce labor and see what happened. My doctor also gave me some medication to help the itchiness which I practically wanted to inhale the prescription in hopes that it’d help. 

Late Sunday evening my mom came to spend the night and we went to sleep knowing that the hospital would call early the next morning in anticipation of our arrival for an induction….I thought to myself as I feel asleep that night that it would be my last night without two babies under our roof. Oh, was I wrong.

I still had another week before we’d induce labor….